When Seasons Change

We have a problem every summer. A mysterious, ugly plant appears in our front garden, right by our porch. Well, it’s no longer a mystery since we all know by now what it is but everyone pretends we don’t. We ignore it’s exponential growth, we overlook the way it obnoxiously crawls over our walkway and our guests need to take a detour just to get to our front door. Finally, one day in late August, someone will make the flabbergasted yet equally expected announcement: “Guys, there are PUMPKINS growing in the front yard!”

It’s one of the first signs that fall is on its way.

Summer is ending. Signs of it’s departure are everywhere — the big yellow school buses that make my drive to work just a hint more stressful; the cool mornings ideal for early runs; the “autumn glow” just as the sun is setting.

Today our Junior High Sunday School class graduated and we said bittersweet farewells to girls who have grown so much in the past year. My sisters and I are also affected by this “growing up” phenomenon — now all out of high school, I watch my younger sister head off to college and my older sister to grad school. Both our trampoline and our pool were taken down this year, mementos of our childhood, reminders that snapshots in time do not last forever.

I love the changing seasons. The way nature naturally slips into a new mood and dons a new look. Familiar patterns fading away and making room for new ones. It’s a soothing reminder that though “time like an ever rolling stream” is fleeting so quickly by, God remains faithfully just the same as the seasons faithfully change every year.

Summer and winter and sprintime and harvest. Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above. Held together by the Author of Redemptive history.

Just as I am.

All the changes I see around me are symbolic of God doing new things inside me, the Holy Spirit changing me.

I am learning that sometimes I need to go through ugly times — vine-y, awkward growing stages — before I see the beautiful results God is planning all along. Often I resist from the change process, afraid of the pain it may inflict. When He touches the sensitive parts of me — that  one relationship, that one sin I won’t let go, that one fear I can’t overcome — I cringe, much in the same way I shrink back from getting a shot at the doctor’s office, though I know the vaccine is for my good.

And yet where there is pain, there is also life. Where there is the seed of Christ’s life, there His Holy Spirit is moving and making with gentle, gracious hands. I may need to spend some uncomfortable time in the dirty “depths” so I might “learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision” (Valley of Vision xxiv)

Sometimes I appear a haphazard weed, but God sees me as a work in progress, planted with care and being prepared in time for the harvest.

Let us fear the LORD our God, who gives the rain in its season, the autumn rain and the spring rain, and keeps for us the weeks appointed for the harvest.’ (Jeremiah 5:24). He is working His way — in history, in Creation, and in the garden of my heart.

Yes, from this overgrown tangle, You are making something beautiful. And for that I join with all nature in manifold witness to Your great faithfulness, mercy and love.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven….
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end…..I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.

(Ecclesiastes 3)

Morning After the Storm

It was a dark and stormy night. The perfect beginning to a good story.

Unfortunately, I’m not the ideal heroine. There I was at 10:30pm in the little black Honda, paralyzed in the middle of the street. Right ahead of me was a river, flowing at least 5 inches high over the road. I probably would not have even seen it through the pitch black night and blinding rain, but I did see the car stuck on the embankment only a few yards away.

Perhaps this is when I mention that due to other flooding around our mountain, this was the only way home. Now there was no way home.

I honestly did not know what to do. My mind was blank of any solutions besides bursting into tears right there in the middle of the flooded street. Which is probably what I would have done if the figure of a girl hadn’t appeared out of nowhere and banged on my window, yelling at me to “Get away, it isn’t safe here! Don’t try to go home, just get away!”

Immediately, I was panicked into action and shot the car into reverse. At that same moment, three large fire engines, their flashing lights illuminating the torrential sky, came barreling down on me. Then a few tears did fill my eyes. I felt so helpless, so alone, and so vulnerable as I swung around and headed back into the stormy blackness. I called my dad to hear a soothing voice; I called a friend to find a bed for the night.

I was so scared. Fear clenched my heart tighter than the white-knuckled grip I had on the steering wheel. My heart thumped louder than the rain pounding on my windshield and I kept turning the radio up to drown out both. It took nearly half an hour to drive four miles because of how slowly I was creeping, leaning forward like an old blind woman, dodging puddles and crying out prayers. O Lord, protect me! Guide this car! Please, be with me!

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I saw a familiar porch light, like a lighthouse guiding me too safety. I saw a big blue umbrella making its way to the curb and under it the faces of my dear friends – faces I loved more than anything in the world at that desperate moment. Finally I let out the breath I had kept sucked in that whole dreadful drive and loosened my death grip on the wheel. Finally, I felt safe.

The sound of singing birds and a stream of warm sunlight woke me early the next morning. After a few happy hours of breakfast and coffee with the friends who saved my life, I was back in the little back Honda, driving home.

It was remarkable what a different place the world was from the treacherous storm of the night before. The sun had dried up the puddles and everything was glowing in cheerful summer light. Butterflies flitted between blooming flowers and a calm breeze ruffled leafy branches. Everything had survived the storm and now seemed more alive than ever.

When at long last, home came around the bend, I too felt a transformation had taken place.

There was something about the helplessness I had felt that intensified a truth to me: no matter how many ways I try to “make peace”, there is only one thing that can calm the storm – both in me and around me. That one thing is a relationship with Christ.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you

Fear is so very real. Try as I might, I can’t muster up courage to fight it. It strips me of my confidence…which is precisely where God wants me to be. Only when I throw up my hands and come to Christ, do I find rest. Only when I set my house on the guiding lighthouse of His Word, is my soul safe. Only when I realize that everything I could need and want is in Him, do I know true tranquility.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

When my heart is overwhelmed, I will look up. I will hope. I will rest. Though storm cloud opportunities to fear may be opening up all around me, You are there and in You, there is always morning light.

For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Joy to the world! The Lord is come. And He is leading me home.

*Scripture quotations are from Psalm 56 and Isaiah 26

There’s a Purpose in it All

I don’t typically think of myself as a super restless person, but it sure is hard for me to be still. Give me a Styrofoam cup and it will inevitably be shredded to pieces. Give me a pen and every scrap of paper in sight will be covered in doodles. Put me in a boot the size and weight of a small child, instruct me to spend a week with my feet up, and I will find innumerable excuses to disobey.

Ever since I came home from surgery with my leg in a trap, I’ve grumbled against the inconvenience. My movement is severely limited, I’m in a constant state of discomfort, and all my pretty sandals sit lonely in the dark garage. I can’t run, I can’t drive, I can’t work, I can’t play games or garden or shower or sleep properly. Basically I can’t live.

And clearly I don’t deal well with inconveniences. I lash out in frustration, I fight against it, I grumble and complain and blame. I try vigorously to restore “normality”. Which is why my I’m not the best patient in the world, as you might already know.

A bit of perspective was gained this Memorial Day as I sat dipping one foot in the pool, talking with my sister and neighbor. Both of them are preparing to leave for a foreign mission field before the year is out — one to Japan, the other to Cambodia. As I listened to them talk enthusiastically about the places they are going, heard the passion in their voices, and watched their eyes sparkle with excitement and glisten with compassionate tears, I felt a small stirring in my heart.

These two women were beautiful pictures of what it means to joyfully follow Christ. Each of them committed to leaving their homes, their families, their culture, everything familiar and comfortable and making their home among a people, culture, and language they do not know. But each time the challenges were mentioned, they were treated as small bumps in the road to a much higher end. They were so caught up in a passion for God’s glory and a love for people that little inconveniences were far from robbing their joy and purpose.

I looked down at my sorry foot. Some pool water had splashed on the bandage and the tape was loosening. What higher purpose was God calling me to? How was I allowing the small “hiccups” to distract me from the joy and fulfillment prepared for me?

The Good Samaritan was a hero because he was interrupted on his journey. Paul, Mother Theresa, David Brainerd, Jim Elliot — all embraced an inconvenient life because in it, they found the greatest reward. Their lives aren’t marked by a slavish resignation or passive martyrdom but by a radiant joy at experiencing eternal gain in the midst of earthly loss.

Who am I, sitting on the front porch on a sunny May morning, drowning in blessings to hold out happiness because of one thing I think I lack? How can I say to God: “It is not good?”

Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt? (Matthew 14:31). No situation, person or problem enters my world randomly. Each one is sovereignly injected by the omniscient God. Here is one microscopic moment I can choose to accept the wisdom of the Almighty. If I shut my grumbling mouth and open my clenched eyes, I see His gifts.

In these past days of forced quietness, there have been opportunities to spend long and meaningful times in Scripture. A stagnant sense of “duty” that dictated recent devotional times has been replaced by a vibrant desire to delve into God’s Word and discover daily truth. For that, I thank and praise the Lord.

I treasure the meaningful conversations I’ve had from the recliner — so often missed in the rush of life. I’m grateful for the patience and grace I’ve experienced from my family.

love visits from friends. Especially when they include cheerful flowers.

Trust, faith, joy, and peace are attributes that can’t be fully grasped in convenient times. I’m  praying that I learn this small lesson so when the larger trials come, I will readily, humbly, and joyfully embrace the life God’s called me to lead.

Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love….
until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ,so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the wave
s…” (Ephesians 4)

Satisfaction for a Hungry Soul

I first remember being influenced by Psalm 73 when I was seventeen years old. Entering my senior year of high school, I was in a spiritually dry time. A spirit of unrest filled my heart — dissatisfaction with my looks, my personality and my future and discouragement with an inability to “fix” myself. I was so preoccupied that reading the Bible and praying were not appealing.

Knowing something needed to change, I decided to fast for a day with a purpose of seeking the Lord intentionally. Every two hours, I would get away to read from the book of Psalms and to pray. By around 4:00, I was feeling weak. It was as if my struggles to attain control over my physical appetite intensified the raging of my emotional and mental frustrations that I was unable to satisfy.

It was then, in the quietness of my bedroom and the tumult of my thoughts, I read Psalm 73.

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.”

It was as if a cooling breath of fresh air had been let in a dark airless place. This passage spoke to my exhausted, hungry soul. It is the testimony of Asaph who was caught in the trap of comparison until he went into the temple of the Lord. Like Asaph, when I came in all my unholiness to the presence of the Holy One and beheld Him as He is, the chains off my fears and self-preoccupations vanished away. God alone is sufficient to answer my desires to be loved, to be understood, to be safe. He is my strength when I am keenly aware of my own weaknesses and He is my refuge when I am overcome by sin – both within myself and without.

Practically, this passage spoke to my struggles with disordered eating, failed attempts to recreate myself. It spoke to the darkness of impure thoughts that clouded my mind from wholly loving Christ. It spoke to my insecurity around others and my fears about the future. In all these things, my flesh and my heart had failed and God was calling me to draw near, empty and broken, to be satisfied by Him.

Ever since that special encounter with the Lord on my bedroom floor, Psalm 73 has been my go-to prayer because it always speaks to me where I am at. And it always redirects my focus to the ever-present promise that my identity is found in the sufficiency of the Holy, Perfect One.

Life is a journey of losing myself to gain my truest self — Christ in me, the hope of glory. It is a lifelong lesson of learning to say “there is nothing on earth that I desire beside You” over and over again until it is the real cry of my heart.

It’s a New Year to Know a Faithful God

(picture source)

Favour us this year with such a sense of Thy preciousness,
that from its first to its last day we may be glad and rejoice in Thee.

Let January open with joy in the Lord, and December close with gladness in Jesus.

- Charles H. Spurgeon

His mercies are new.

New every year. New every day. New every hour.

Great is His faithfulness.

(picture source)

Where Do We Go From Here?

Last year, I wrote a post entitled Christmas Grief, only a few days after my “adopted” grandmother passed away.

This year, on Christmas Day, my cousin was in a serious car accident that landed him in the ICU trauma unit with severe brain damage. He is still there today and family and friends anxiously pray for his recovery.

Our Christmas tree is turning brown and needles are dropping faster than the snowflakes which should be dropping this time of year. Instead we’ve rainy days one right after the other.

Festivities are over, cookies have gone stale, and “real life” is back in full swing. A new year is just around the corner.

Where do we go from here?

If we expect 2012 to be the perfect year, to make up for all the disappointments and foibles of last year, well, keep dreaming, Anne Shirley. It will have it’s share of dark days and hard times and unexpected circumstances. Sometimes it’s difficult to know how to move forward into what feels so unknown and uncertain.

But it is also full of hope. Moving on from Christmas, shaking off the tinsel and brushing away the pine needles means walking forward in the presence of Christ. He who came to fill the manger fills my life as well as Emmanuel, God with us. Always with us. Knowing Him change our lives forever, propels our steps everyday to the hope of heaven.

When I look back at 2011, I am flooded with a mixture of bittersweet emotion. It was full of many joys, precious memories, and valuable lessons, but it also contained more than it’s full share of sorrows. Honestly, I am not sad to see it go. But because I know Jesus, I know those painful times were not without value. They too were part of God’s sovereign plan and they too were tools in my sanctification. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,* for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Because I know Jesus, I also know that simply turning a calendar page doesn’t bring a changed life. Only drawing closer to my Savior this year and growing in the knowledge of His love and truth and grace will make this year better than the last.

Drawing on the One who says  ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”, I can step courageously and hopefully into this new year (2 Cor 12:9). With my eyes lifted to heaven, I can keep moving further up and further in. When life gets prickly and thorns of various shapes raise their ugly heads, when dreams of a perfect safe and happy life are shattered, all is not lost.

I am loved.”For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38,39) 

I am held.I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Psalm 91:2)

I am being prepared for another world — one that is perfect in every way because there Christ is known fully.

I am so incredibly blessed and this year I choose to give praise.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5)

((Other New Year reflections))
A Worthy Resolution
Foolishness for the New Year

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is Christmas.

Another anniversary of the birth that changed the world. The beginning of the most wonderful story of all.

“The whole of Christ’s life was a continual passion;
others die martyrs,
but Christ was born a martyr.
He found a Golgotha, where he was crucified,
even in Bethlehem, where he was born;
for to his tenderness then the straws were almost as sharp as the thorns after,
and the manger as uneasy at first as the cross at last.
His birth and his death were but one continual act,
and his Christmas Day and his Good Friday
are but the evening and the morning
of one and the same day.
From the créche to the cross is an inseparable line.
Christmas only points forward to Good Friday and Easter.
It can have no meaning apart from that,
where the Son of God displayed his glory by his death.”
~ John Donne, Book of Uncommon Prayer


Also, yesterday marked another anniversary: three years of blogging here at Pressing On.

If you wish, you can read my very first humble post, followed by my first Christmas post.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog, why after three years of sporadic consistency, I keep writing.

It isn’t for comments (though I do love them!)

It isn’t to rack up stats (though I do love when you visit!)

It most certainly isn’t to impress anyone with my writing or pictures (just reading through the past three posts is a helping of humble pie!)

I think the reason I blog is this: When God does a work in your life, you can’t keep silent. I have been so wowed by His grace and love and if I couldn’t share the way He manifests His character and faithfulness in the small details of my life, I think I would burst.

But as for me, it is good to be near God. 
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;I will tell of all your deeds


My prayer is that this blog would be a simple offering of worship, a giving back to the God who gave me all. And perhaps, by visiting this little spot, you too would be encouraged to keep “pressing on”. For those who have continued to come back and read over these years, thank you. You have blessed me so very much.*

Reflecting on the miracle of Christmas, the life of the Savior that from the moment of His birth propelled purposefully to the Christ, I find the courage and hope to keep stepping heavenward.

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13,14).

Happy birthday, Jesus. Happy birthday, you little blog.

Merry Christmas to all.

*This would be a wonderful time for you anonymous readers to introduce yourself in the comments! I’d love to get to know you! :)

This Thanksgiving

I almost made this post a list of things I’m thankful for. My sister made a good one. I even made a half-serious one, mostly based on food (that’s how I roll).

But then I got to thinking. I could write an extensive list of the many many blessings I enjoy every day, but really there is just one thing I’m grateful for. It can’t be listed after crackling fireplaces and homemade lattes and Charles Dickens. It must occupy a place of supremacy all on its own — in both my words of praise and my heart of thanksgiving.

If all other blessings were taken away, I’d still be more than blessed. I’d still never have enough breath to express my gratitude.

This one thing encompasses all other gifts. It is the only gift that keeps on giving for eternity and the only gift that once given can never be taken away.

The one thing I am grateful for this Thanksgiving is the relationship Jesus Christ has given me with Himself.In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace” (Ephesians 1:7).

In Him I have redemption. My life is given meaning. I am freed from living for myself and freed to live as I was created. The redemption of this sinful soul by a merciful Savior means that I belong to Him and the hope He offers beyond this life.

In Him I have forgiveness. The painful reality of my own sin is confronted at the cross and   there borne by the sinless One so I might share in His holiness. He is the only One who can bring me peace with God and He does it through binding Himself to me in an unbreakable covenant relationship. “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1).

All I have is according to the riches of His grace. It’s by God’s grace that I’ve been been redeemed and forgiven and it’s by His grace that I am sustained and brought heavenward every day. “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by hispoverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9).

“Grace is the good pleasure of God that inclines him to bestow benefits upon the undeserving. It is a self-existent principle inherent in the divine nature and appears to us as a self-caused propensity to pity the wretched, spare the guilty, welcome the outcast, and bring into favor those who were before under just disapprobation. Its use to us sinful men is to save us and make us sit together in heavenly places to demonstrate to the ages the exceeding riches of God’s kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” -A. W. Tozer

The more I grow in my knowledge of Jesus, the more I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of His love. I can never know about Him, or have enough of Him. He is the only thing that fills me completely and yet increases my hunger for more of Him.

All that Jesus is to me, I can never express. Or even fully know until I see Him face-to-face. But I know enough to say He is all I need and really all  I want. To be consumed in gratitude — that is my desire. Lord open my eyes to see You as the Giver of every good gift until my heart is overflowing with thanksgiving — today, tomorrow, and always.

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift! (2 Corinthians 9:15).

The Race, the Goal, the Prize

E v e r y   r a c e   i s   r u n n a b l e . . . 
If we are feeling weighed down and exhausted, the problem isn’t Jesus.  He is unfailingly an energizing presence.  Nor is the problem the race he has called us to run.  The problem is something else, even something non-sinful and allowable, but it prevents us from running an unleashed, all-out race.  Getting clean rid of it, because our hearts are reaching for the promises of God — that is living by faith.   — Ray Ortlund

“As he who runs a race never takes up short of the end,
but is still making forwards as fast as he can,
so those who have heaven in their eye must still be pressing forward to it
in  holy  desires  and  hopes,
and  constant  endeavours  and  preparations.
The fitter we grow for heaven the faster we must press towards it. Heaven is called here the mark, because it is that which every good Christian has in his eye;as the archer has his eye fixed upon the mark he designs to hit.”
– Matthew Henry

Our prize is a place with a Person,
and this Person will “wipe away every tear from their eyes … neither shall there be crying … for the former things have passed away” (Rev 21:4).
It is in that day that we will wear our imperishable crowns of righteousness, because of Him and for His sake.
And in that day we will be satisfied by our greatest joy: Jesus.
– Chris Tomlinson