A Different House

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right, and stopping the leaks in the roof, and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably, and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of– throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
~ C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

All this time like a vagabond, a homeless stranger
I’ve been wandering
All my life you’ve been calling me
To a home you know I’ve been needing

I’m a broken stone
So lay me in the house you’re building

You are a shelter for every misfit soul
We are the four walls and you’re the cornerstone
You are and You’re the solid rock that we are built upon
~ Audrey Assad, The House You’re Building

 

In my Father’s house are many rooms.
If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.

~ John 14:2-3

Be Busy but Don’t Hurry; Live Fully but Don’t Be Afraid to Die

Rounding the corner, a long line of brake lights came into view. My already rapidly beating heart flew into my throat.

My first reaction was to look at the gas gauge. Dead on Empty. Dropping every minute. Next I looked at the clock. 4 minutes to get to work on time. Hope was fading fast.

I had no idea which would run out first, gas or time. Either way, I wasn’t gaining either by sitting here dead still in traffic. I wish I could say I prayed, but I was too concerned with my pounding heart-rate and racing thoughts.

With a sputtering engine and a handful of seconds, I fell out of the car and dashed into the coffee shop. Only to find out I was never scheduled to work in the first place.

If I was a few decades older, I’m sure I would have had a heart attack on the spot. I immediately felt relieved, stunned and foolish all at the same time. All that hurry and stress and now what did it matter? I filled up the tank with gas and took the long route home, all the way reevaluating my priorities (or lack thereof) with how I spend my time.

Always in a hurry, running between appointments and schedules and meetings. Balancing work with school with church activities. Packing lunch to eat on the road. Digging through piles of clothes for your sweatshirt because whohastimetohangandfoldthingsanyway?

It’s highly doubtful I need to explain to you what busy feels like. In a nutshell: sore feet, wet hair, and wrinkled clothes. That’s what busy feels like.

And what is the point of it all? Going nonstop lately, doing many things and yet none of them very well. I’m not proud = that I submit online assignments minutes before they are due (although that 11:58 submission was pretty impressive). When I got lost trying to follow chicken-scratch directions hastily copied onto a paper towel, my mom told me I had to stop living on the edge and learn how to read a map. If I could find one…

It’s times like these I need an Christ-intervention like Martha had: “”Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42)

Like Martha, I am easily distracted by things that in the light of eternity do not truly matter. I like to be busy. And to be busy is good. But is there a purpose in my busyness? For whose kingdom am I expending my energy? Like Martha, above plans and deadlines and obligations, there is one greatest possession that should be the driving force of what I daily do: the greatest possession is close fellowship with the Lord as my portion in life.

To love this life, but not be too attached to it is one of the greatest struggles. We can’t see, plan, or fathom eternity so we build our “secure” earthly homes, accumulating and tying ourselves to material tangibles as if they will create identity and purpose.

We long for heaven and the peace promised there from all our earthy cares and labors.  But do we want to get there and feel that there was more work for Christ we could have done? Or that we wasted the time we did chasing after the wind? The challenge we have before us is to live fully, with the goal of heaven and fellowship with Christ always in our view. Seeing the finish line before us, running as hard and focused as we can, determined to hold nothing back.

I think of all great heroes of the faith who lived to the utmost because they were mindful of short time on earth:

Jim Elliot’s passion was the unreached people of the world and his purpose throughout college was to study the Bible so he could bring it where it had never been. In 1956, he and four other missionaries were killed bearing the gospel to the Auca tribe in Ecuador:

“God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, LORD Jesus.”

David Brainerd spent his youth as a missionary to the American Indians in the 18th century until he died of tuberculosis at the age of twenty-nine.

“ I love to live on the brink of eternity…Oh, that I could spend every moment of my life to God’s glory!”

As a college student, Betty Scott Stam met her husband John at a meeting for the China Inland Mission. Only a few years later, twenty-eight years old and the mother of a three-month old, Betty was captured by the Chinese Communist and sentenced to death.

Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.”

Were these wasted lives? No, they were lives determined to give all for what truly matters – knowing Christ and making Him known. They looked carefully how they walked, redeeming their time because their time was short. Busy, not but foolishly hurried. Living fully, but not afraid to die.

Lord, teach me Your way.

Plans to Read 2012

If I’ve learned one thing already in 2012, it is that human beings make plans, but it is God who orders our days.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

So far, every goal/plan/resolution I’ve made this year has been thwarted.

I planned to wake up a half-hour earlier so there would be more time in my day for reading and writing. I planned to start training for a second half-marathon. I planned to deep clean my sadly cluttered room before the start of another semester. I planned to be organized this school year by keeping a real date book, marked with every assignment and exam date. For once in my life, I was hoping for an organized life.

All those resolutions came crashing down in anticlimactic defeat by a sinus infection that lingered for weeks, despite the many garlic pills Jenny convinced me to consume. There, I lay in the recliner, bonding with a tissue box and unable to accomplish any of my grand and lofty goals.

But what I discovered was that I suddenly had for other, unplanned activities. Like prayer. Reading through the Psalms. Writing in my journal. Talking with my sisters. Watching sermon videos. Listening to this song on repeat until I had to smile.

So, I tentatively make a book list for 2012. Most likely, given my record, few of these will be read and many more unlisted will be read. But I know how when life gets busy, reading takes a back seat, so the purpose of this list is to serve as a reminder to read.  It is by no means complete, just the beginnings of books I have wanted to read. Hopefully this will be the year.

If not, that’s perfectly fine too.

Book List 2012

(I plan to update this page when I complete books or add new books)
 

Nonfiction

The Glory of Christ by John Owen

Surprised by Oxford by Carolyn Weber

Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller

The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul (Currently reading)

If I Perish by Esther Ahn Kim (Read 1/12)

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Matryr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas (Currently Reading)

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hildrebran (Read 9/12)

Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot

Crazy Love by Francis Chan Read 4/12

The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis

He is There and He is Not Silent by Francis Schaeffer

Fiction

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok

Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka (Read 1/12)

A Damsel in Distress by P.G. Wodehouse

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson (Read 8/12)

Father Brown: The Complete Tales by G.K. Chesterton

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

So now I want suggestions. What books would you add to my list?

It’s a New Year to Know a Faithful God

(picture source)

Favour us this year with such a sense of Thy preciousness,
that from its first to its last day we may be glad and rejoice in Thee.

Let January open with joy in the Lord, and December close with gladness in Jesus.

- Charles H. Spurgeon

His mercies are new.

New every year. New every day. New every hour.

Great is His faithfulness.

(picture source)

Where Do We Go From Here?

Last year, I wrote a post entitled Christmas Grief, only a few days after my “adopted” grandmother passed away.

This year, on Christmas Day, my cousin was in a serious car accident that landed him in the ICU trauma unit with severe brain damage. He is still there today and family and friends anxiously pray for his recovery.

Our Christmas tree is turning brown and needles are dropping faster than the snowflakes which should be dropping this time of year. Instead we’ve rainy days one right after the other.

Festivities are over, cookies have gone stale, and “real life” is back in full swing. A new year is just around the corner.

Where do we go from here?

If we expect 2012 to be the perfect year, to make up for all the disappointments and foibles of last year, well, keep dreaming, Anne Shirley. It will have it’s share of dark days and hard times and unexpected circumstances. Sometimes it’s difficult to know how to move forward into what feels so unknown and uncertain.

But it is also full of hope. Moving on from Christmas, shaking off the tinsel and brushing away the pine needles means walking forward in the presence of Christ. He who came to fill the manger fills my life as well as Emmanuel, God with us. Always with us. Knowing Him change our lives forever, propels our steps everyday to the hope of heaven.

When I look back at 2011, I am flooded with a mixture of bittersweet emotion. It was full of many joys, precious memories, and valuable lessons, but it also contained more than it’s full share of sorrows. Honestly, I am not sad to see it go. But because I know Jesus, I know those painful times were not without value. They too were part of God’s sovereign plan and they too were tools in my sanctification. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,* for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Because I know Jesus, I also know that simply turning a calendar page doesn’t bring a changed life. Only drawing closer to my Savior this year and growing in the knowledge of His love and truth and grace will make this year better than the last.

Drawing on the One who says  ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”, I can step courageously and hopefully into this new year (2 Cor 12:9). With my eyes lifted to heaven, I can keep moving further up and further in. When life gets prickly and thorns of various shapes raise their ugly heads, when dreams of a perfect safe and happy life are shattered, all is not lost.

I am loved.”For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38,39) 

I am held.I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Psalm 91:2)

I am being prepared for another world — one that is perfect in every way because there Christ is known fully.

I am so incredibly blessed and this year I choose to give praise.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5)

((Other New Year reflections))
A Worthy Resolution
Foolishness for the New Year

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is Christmas.

Another anniversary of the birth that changed the world. The beginning of the most wonderful story of all.

“The whole of Christ’s life was a continual passion;
others die martyrs,
but Christ was born a martyr.
He found a Golgotha, where he was crucified,
even in Bethlehem, where he was born;
for to his tenderness then the straws were almost as sharp as the thorns after,
and the manger as uneasy at first as the cross at last.
His birth and his death were but one continual act,
and his Christmas Day and his Good Friday
are but the evening and the morning
of one and the same day.
From the créche to the cross is an inseparable line.
Christmas only points forward to Good Friday and Easter.
It can have no meaning apart from that,
where the Son of God displayed his glory by his death.”
~ John Donne, Book of Uncommon Prayer


Also, yesterday marked another anniversary: three years of blogging here at Pressing On.

If you wish, you can read my very first humble post, followed by my first Christmas post.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog, why after three years of sporadic consistency, I keep writing.

It isn’t for comments (though I do love them!)

It isn’t to rack up stats (though I do love when you visit!)

It most certainly isn’t to impress anyone with my writing or pictures (just reading through the past three posts is a helping of humble pie!)

I think the reason I blog is this: When God does a work in your life, you can’t keep silent. I have been so wowed by His grace and love and if I couldn’t share the way He manifests His character and faithfulness in the small details of my life, I think I would burst.

But as for me, it is good to be near God. 
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;I will tell of all your deeds


My prayer is that this blog would be a simple offering of worship, a giving back to the God who gave me all. And perhaps, by visiting this little spot, you too would be encouraged to keep “pressing on”. For those who have continued to come back and read over these years, thank you. You have blessed me so very much.*

Reflecting on the miracle of Christmas, the life of the Savior that from the moment of His birth propelled purposefully to the Christ, I find the courage and hope to keep stepping heavenward.

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13,14).

Happy birthday, Jesus. Happy birthday, you little blog.

Merry Christmas to all.

*This would be a wonderful time for you anonymous readers to introduce yourself in the comments! I’d love to get to know you! :)

Inspiration Link-up 8/28

Tomorrow marks the official end of summer. I’ve felt it subtly coming with cooler air and packages of textbooks replacing daisy bouquets on the front porch. But tomorrow, classes will resume and routine will be back in full swing.

Which is really fine; I enjoy like studying. For the most part. And autumn is my favorite season. But that doesn’t mean a little part of me is sad to see the long free days go and to plunge headlong into schedules and deadlines.

Knowing my tendency to get overwhelmed and stressed, I went on a hunt for encouragement, sustenance, and an established purpose for the long school year. I’m sharing a few of the articles that helped remind me of what is important in academia and life.

~ The Freshman 15. What should be our purpose as students? This article answers with profound insight. “There is no greater way you can spend your time, energy, and effort than pursuing Christ with all your heart.”

~ Needy, Desperate, and Loving It. This website is a new one for me and one I know I will be frequenting. It is based on Nancy Leigh Demoss’ book Lies Young Women Believe.

~ His Princess, I will Show You Life. His Princess: Love Letters from Your King by Sheri Rose Shepherd is a favorite of mine. The letters are heartfelt expressions of Scripture that I have taken to reading each night before bed. If you need encouragement, give this site (and book!) a visit.

And from the pages of Scripture, may these words from Philippians 4 be our theme all school year long:

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.
The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Unplugged

I spent the entire past week unplugged from internet, social media, and almost all forms of technology.

There were withdrawal symptoms — restlessness, irritability, frustration, nagging curiosity — but after awhile they lessened and were totally worth it.

Ironically, I wasn’t in some remote place where WiFi or service is unavailable. I was in New York City, one of the most technologically savvy hubs on the planet. Everywhere, people were plugged into their electronic devices. During a subway ride over rush hour, overwhelmed by the numbers of bodies closing off my air, I looked around to see that no one else appeared to mind — or even notice — the crowdedness. Each individual was engrossed in his or her own little world, heads bent intently over ipods, phones, and laptops. Too lost in cyberspace to be aware of the masses of humans pressing in on all sides.

And here was I, unplugged from my daily digest of email, blogs, and news stories, like a fish out of water. But instead of feeling deprived, I felt filled.

My purpose in Queens was to help a church run a vacation Bible school for children in the area. Without the distracting temptations of technology, I was able to immerse myself into the job. My time and energy and mind were plugged in twenty-four-seven to ministry, people’s lives, conversation, fellowship, and the Word of God.

Surprisingly, it was energizing. The more involved I got in serving, the more I wanted to serve, to work harder, to spend more time. I got on my hands and knees with sixteen kindegartners, mingling hands in Play Dough, reading Bible stories, coloring masks and singing VBS songs till we were blue in the face. Days were busy with drying tears, tickling matches, and exchanging “I love you”s. And I forgot about the list of emails I probably was receiving. A night passing out water bottles and gospels of John at a subway stop erased my Google Reader from my mind. Instead of checking the news before bed, I spent that time in much-needed prayer. There was too much to see, to do, to know about the real world.

Back at home, I turned on the computer, eager to catch up on all that I’d missed. Just as I anticipated, there was an inbox full on unread email, dozens of blog posts and updates to read, and hundreds of new Fox headlines. Lacking was the desire to read them. I shocked myself by shutting the laptop after only a few minutes of browsing. After experiencing the grace, sovereignty and glory of God in marvelous ways the past week, the interest for digital stimulation just wasn’t there.

Like a dieter trying to reintroduce sweets back into their menu, I want to return to technology with caution. I know my weakness for obsession, my tendency to immerse myself in a cyber world and be tuned out of the real one. I only want to “replug” parts of my life. I want my real life relationships to be the ones I work toward building, and my spoken conversations be given as much though as the ones I type. I want to limit my time spent on the computer so I can invest time in other things. Most importantly, I want my heart and desires to be plugged into the Word of God, my needs communicated through prayer, and my strength drawn from my relationship with Christ.

Jesus said that when we know how we are tempted, we need to take action. “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:29). Anything that gives me comfort, security, and pleasure has the risk of turning into an idol if I am not careful to keep Jesus the focus of my life.

There are many good things about the internet and the connections it provides to information, organizations, and people. But it can’t replace the tangible, local body of believers — people touching people with the grace and compassion of Jesus Christ. Eyes opened, hands ready, and hearts willing to meet the real needs right before us for the glory of God.

My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed. Plugged into You to be a conduit of Your mercy and love.

>The Waste of Haste

>It was one of those mornings.

I needed to be out of the house by nine-thirty and every minute, from the time my alarm went off at quarter to seven till I was out the door, was planned with exactness. In order to do everything that needed to be done, there was not a moment to spare for e-mail checking, fancy breakfasts, or jump-roping (you know — the normal morning rituals).

So I have no idea how I found myself on my knees at eight-thirty with sopping hair and one sock on, vigorously scrubbing away at a large tan stain on my bedroom carpet.

Loreal’s True Match Foundation may claim “superblend-ability,” “precise match,” and “perfect coordination,” but they obviously weren’t talking about the tone and texture of my carpet. I had no idea how resilient the makeup was — to water, soap, wash cloths, and significant elbow grease. I could fall into a washing machine and Loreal would have me covered.

Bad news for the carpet. Bad news for my schedule too. And all because I was too much in a hurry to screw the cap on carefully, and to look where I was putting my feet. So there I knelt, scrubbing against the clock, knowing any plans for the morning were a lost cause. I barely made it out the door with both socks on. As for make-up? I couldn’t bear to look at the stuff.

In case you think I often have days like this…well, you’re right, I do. It would seem the more hurried I am, when time is of an essence, the more prone to time-consuming mishaps I am. And that silly old cliche that “haste makes waste” rings in my ears like a forboding grandfather clock while I scurry myself into a frenzy.

More is wasted in hurry than half a bottle of foundation. I’m busily typing away at an essay due this afternoon when Elizabeth sleepily walks into the kitchen and begins pouring a bowl of cereal. “Good morning,” she mumbles groggily. “Morning,” I reply quickly and then intently lean in toward my laptop so she knows I’m not available for conversation.

“Becky, can you come practice this duet with me?” Jenny calls from the piano, accenting her words with a few chords. “I need to leave for class right now” I yell over my shoulder as I swing open the garage door. “Maybe when I get back.”

We are on our way home from church on one of the first sunny days of the new year. “Wouldn’t it be nice to take a long walk this afternoon?” Mom comments pleasantly. My head immediately shoots up. “No, I’ve got way too much to do.” My voice sounds harsher than I intend and the conversation is cut short.

“Becky, come sit with me a moment. I want to show you something.” I poke my head into the living room and lift up the stack of textbooks in my arms. “Yes Daddy what is it? I’ve only got a minute.”

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Sometimes it’s the mantra of my life. I’ve got my treadmill set at exactly what I can handle and nothing or no one is going to trip me up. But at that furried pace, I trip over words without considering their impact; I spill out frustration on those who least deserve it; I blow off opportunities to share my life with the people who care about me most. In short, I make messes that take time, effort, and a lot of loving to clean up.

It’s a far cry from the way the Lord deals with me. “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). He patiently works through my foibles, untangles my jumbled emotions, listens to my petty concerns, and I somehow presume I can’t be bothered with the detours he places in my life?

Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2). Time is precious. I won’t be on this earth forever; I may not be in this home with these four people God’s given me for very much longer. Which is why it is time to start walking “circumscpectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” I can be spending extra moments in conversation with my sisters, singing around the piano, reading the Bible aloud, listening to the wisdom of my parents, building relationships and memories that will last. Investments in eternal treasures.

Or else I’ll be wasting a lot of minutes on my knees trying to wipe away careless mistakes. Faded streaks of “Classic Ivory,” still sunken into the pores of my carpet, greet my eyes every time I walk into my bedroom. When I see the stain, my step usually slows, I stop to catch a breath, and I reevaluate why I’m hurrying.

It’s one of those mornings when spills are avoided.

>It’s the Little Things

>
It is late. The night hours are creeping by. And I can’t sleep.

I’m laying here, listening to the wind beat fiercely against the window pane. It matches the thudding in my head and the thumping in my heart. Nothing inside or outside of me wants to be still or to rest. So I lay here and keep busy with my thoughts.

What is keeping me awake? Could it be that last cup of coffee I drank nearing six o’clock? Could it be the deadline of a paper looming in the near future? Could it be one of the many half-written lists that litter my nightstand? It could be any of a number of small matters, but one of these little things has stolen my sleep.

My mind turns to rehearsing the day that is dragging to a close. I find myself recalling many little moments that are now magnified in the stillness of the night. I am sorry for them now. The little sharp word that slipped off my tongue without much of a thought. The little dismissal of a kind gesture. The little covetous thought that flitted through my mind like a puff of smoke. One by one, the scenes flash by and they do anything but bring me comfort.

It’s the little things that combine here in the darkness to overwhelm my thoughts and rob me of my sleep. A thousand tiny strands weaving an intricate and confusing web that I don’t have the strength to fight my way out of. Feelings that seemed but inklings, fears that seemed only shadows, and actions that seemed insignificant, are magnified to me now.

But then I remember the Great Truth and it overpowers my worrisome thoughts with force to match the gale outside. God did a big thing. He sent His holy Son from heaven’s heights to die for the redemption of the world. With His mighty arm, He created the universe and holds it together each and every day.

With that same arm, He holds me. He cares for all the details of my life — no small disappointment goes unnoticed. He knows about the little things that keep me up at night. “My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber” (Psalm 121:2,3)

God did a big thing to redeem the little things of my life. He takes the pittances of my life and gives them a place in His kingdom. Like the boy whose seven loaves and a few small fish were used to satisfy a multitude, and like the poor widow whose two small coins were a treasure, so too my insignificant moments becomes infinitely significant when the gospel enters in. Christ’s death saves me from wallowing in my incapacities, and in His victorious life, every nook and cranny of my life is resurrected with a new purpose for God’s glory. “His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21)

Gradually, wrapped securely in the comfort of this surpassing truth, I am lulled into a deep and peaceful sleep. I wake this morning with a song of praise in my heart. Rays of sun are streaming through window as I take hold of my Bible and prayer journal. Before heading downstairs, I shut my eyes for a short instant and breathe. “Thank You, Lord for a new day.”

It’s the little things that remind me I am loved.

I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy” (Psalm 63:6,7)